wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
