with your own penis?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
