ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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