My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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