Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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