and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
