Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
