Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
