Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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