Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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