I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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