My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
