im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
