you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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