Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
