I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
