OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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