Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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