Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
