could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
