if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is wine microwaveable?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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