We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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