Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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