He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Randomize
