I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize