Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
