I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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