What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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