You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
