This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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