ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
