I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
