Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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