In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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