Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize