Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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