U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
