I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
