hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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