I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
