He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
