Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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