what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
