i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
