dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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