He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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