I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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