I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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