sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
