i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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