My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
