WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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