he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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