So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
