there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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