I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
