Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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