i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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