when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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