Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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