What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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