I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
