My friends, they love my intelligence
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
please come you make the beer taste better
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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