I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
