So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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