I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
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