you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
