why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
