dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
