Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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