i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
