I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
