HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
